My Superfluous Panacea

I love learning new words, yet I don't know if I'm using them in the proper form/context, etc.

I am a fan:

http://www.agentprovocateur.com/cara.php
http://www.agentprovocateur.com/classic_gangster.php
http://www.agentprovocateur.com/eleanor.php
http://www.agentprovocateur.com/kitty.php

Nothing else - enjoy the evening.

So... Where to begin?

My about me section is a quick look at who I am. I am a superfluous entity. I have the desire to over-explain and dissect every thought and emotion - reason being that I clearly do not understand or accept the unknown.

Self Preservation? It's obvious. Afraid of change? You bet 'cha. Yet I am also driven by an insatiable desire to grow up and make positive change for myself and all of those around me. Sadly, I've yet to relish the journey which I am on. I have no idea which direction I am facing, and the two year old in me is screaming "I WANT" at the top of his little lungs. How does somebody in my situation let go of the past and obtain what "I need"?

Back to sanity for a second. Writing - I love it. I feel that I am plauged by being consistently superfluous. Not a good thing. In my present state of mind, I call it madness... When I sit down to write, there is no rhyme or reason. My writing is also for me, and me alone.

Do I need to re-invent the wheel or just clean house? I'll start this journey by detailing where I've been. This may not be productive, hell - even I agree that it's maladaptive; it's my blog though. And if I go crazy in the interim, at least I'll have improved my vocabulary.